My Mother
I used to love Mother's Day! I loved sending my mom flowers and writing cute notes to her. I loved our tradition of buying my mom an orchid corsage that she would wear to church. Usually there was only one purchased for all the children, but some years she wouuld have two or three because we didn't coordinate who was to buy it that year. I loved seeing my mom's eyes tear up as she watched the primary children sing I Often Go Walking, one of her favorite children's hymns. But, now I hate it. I hate going to church on Mother's Day and hearing the speakers talk about how wonderful and lovely mom's are and trying hard to hold back my tears. I get so emotional that whole day because I am missing my mom. Even Aqeel can feel the tension on that day I am sure.
I am so angry that she is gone. I hate the way life has changed because she is not in it. I hate that my half of my children never knew my mom in this life. I hate that my children will not remember her wonderful smile and laugh. I hate that they won't be able to sit and listen to her read to them. I hate that they will not be able to receive birthday, Halloween, Christmas, and Easter gifts from her anymore. I hate that I cannot call her and talk to her. I hate that I can't ask her for advice or complain about things to her anymore. I hate that there is no one else that really knows me like she did. She always knew exactly what I needed to hear and exactly how to say it. I hate that I no longer have that security and comfort that I felt from her. I hate that I can't go shopping with her anymore. I hate that I can't hear her singing off key in church anymore (she was sooo tone deaf). I am angry that the Lord chose to take her so early. I am angry that my dad isn't the parent that my mother was. I am angry that he is married to another woman. Please know that that statement does not reflect to my feeling for my step mother, just anger that she is not MY mother.
So, for me Mother's Day sucks! On a side note - I am also angry because our ward doesn't give out yummy see's chocolates, which help make Mother's day bearable! This Sunday I will be sitting in the back of the chapel fighting back tears and feelings of frustration but, do not feel bad for me. It is only one day. However, if you live near a See's candy shop and would like to help brighten my day my address is 2206 1st st., La Grande, Or 97850!!!!!
10 comments:
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. The missing just doesn't stop. I hope there is some peace and sunshine for you on Sunday...and chocolate too.
that is so rough - I hope you can find some enjoyment in the day through the sadness - I bet your mom would appreciate all those fond memories.
I hate that I have hardly, took hardly any pictures of your mother ESPECIALLY ones of her with her grand kids because she adored every single one and they knew it. I really miss her too.
Wow. I could almost copy and paste this to my blog! My mom has been gone for 31 years. None of my kids knew her, my husband never knew her. My dad remarried after a year. I was angry for a long, long time. I feel like I can't cry on Mother's Day because I don't want to ruin it for my kids, so I wait until I'm alone, then cry by myself because of the injustice. I was only 19, I still needed her. She was only 53..way too young. I will be sending you hugs this Sunday. I hope you'll send some my way, too.
I am so sorry for your loss! I would imagine this has to be one of the hardest days of the year for you. She was a really neat woman. If you can try to use mothers day as a day to celebrate the time you had with your mom and all those wonderful memories you have of her! Share them with your kids and help them to love mothers day as much as you did. Remember you are a mother too and your kids need to be able to celebrate all the wonderful things you do for them. Hang in there and know we are thinking of you and your family :0)
I cry every year on Fathers Day, I know I am supposed to make it special for Brett, but all I can think about is my loss. You never know how much your entire life and family will change because of loosing a parent. I feel you you Alisa, and I am sorry for you. It is so hard! It doesn't seem to get easier with time either. I will think of you on Mothers Day, you deserve the Sees!
I'm so sorry for your pain. You wrote that so very well. Parents are supposed to go first, but not soooo early. Good luck this weekend. And, if it makes you feel any better, we're not getting See's this year either. (sigh) They've down grader to a less expensive treat. Don't know if it's gonna cut it!
Lisa - I love you. I hope that on Sunday you can find some happiness in your own children and the fact that you are a terrific mother to them. I'll do my best to find you some See's chocolates. :)
Lisa, I must admit you made me tear up with your post. I have never lost a parent so I dont understand what you are going through. It must be unbearable at times, like on Mother's Day. I am so close to my Mom I know it would be so hard to not have her. I guess just try to focus on the good times you and your mother shared on Mother's Day and know she is also missing you and that our Heavenly Father is always there to comfort you. I dont get why some certain loved ones have to leave us so unexpectedly, it is not fair, but just know that your children are so lucky to have such a wonderful, beautiful, talented, and kind mother and they are very lucky to have you. This life is all in the Lord's hands and all we can do is work hard to make the best of it. You are so awesome, an inspiration to us all! Love ya, Elise
Lisa I am so sorry for how you feel. Your Mother was and still is a wonderful person. It just isn't the same without her around. You were very blessed to have such a wonderful mom and friend. Not everyone is so lucky. Next time I see a sees place I will have to get you some.
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