Sunday, December 21, 2008
Rules
I need some advice for dealing with my new stepmom. First I have to say that I really like her and think she is a wonderful companion for my father. She is also a wonderful Grandmother to the kids and I know she always has good intentions. That being said I am struggling with the cohabitation we have going on. Living in my parents house has always been pretty easy and since I was raised here I know what the rules were and what was expected of me. Since we have moved back and Dixie is the new woman of the house it seems that all the rules have changed. This would not really be a problem except that Dixie and my dad do not really want to establish what the rules are and so for the past 2 1/2 months I have been walking around on egg shells trying to meet expectations and abide by rules when I am not really sure what they are. I have tried asking both Dixie and my dad on several different occasions but the reply is always 'everything is fine', or 'just be more sensitive to Dixie's need to be the Queen of the house.' I am not sure really what that means and what I am doing to be unsensitive to that fact and I am really lost about how to fix it. So, I know none of you know her,but do any of you have any general suggestions for how to fix my problem???
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6 comments:
Time for a family meeting to establish some boundaries and ground rules. Divide house chores and express your own need for some guidelines. You can try one system and then tweak it to meet your needs. I know when my mom moved in we had to do this and set up a workable plan for us. It was adapted from time to time. Good luck.
I totally agree on the need to know the expectations up front. I think you're sunk if they won't have a family meeting. Maybe your parents don't know the desire you have to meet their un-spoken expectations. Good luck! I hope it gets cleared up. I've been in that situation, and it's stinky!
I think that trying to be a mind-reader is the hardest job in the world. I hate Hate HATE trying to figure out what other people are thinking. So, in order to save my sanity sometimes, I have just had to say, "I am doing the best that I can. If something is bothering you, please tell me. Otherwise, I will just assume that nothing is wrong." - Ownership back with the person with the problem & I can just wait until something comes up. Maybe a regularly-scheduled"Family Business" meeting would help too. Hugs... so hard.
I don't have any advice...sorry :( Being a queen bee myself, I just wouldn't at all know how to go about it. I had a hard time with boundaries while just visiting my dad and his wife for a weekend. But hang in there. I am sure that it will all work out for the best!
P.S. Loved your Christmas Card!!
I just realized that I don't have your new address. I know it is in La Grande, but I don't have the exact address nor do I have your new email address. Sorry, but will you please email me your new info. Thanks Alisa.
My email is jencloes@yahoo.com
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